Adventures at the Doctor's Office

We showed up for the boys annual checkups this afternoon. It took me a few minutes to check in since they had to update their files and insurance information. While I was standing at the desk waiting, the kids went just behind me to the sitting area where the tv and toys are. This was our first problem.

For whatever reason, they have removed all the toys. As a parent concerned about sharing other people's germs, I'm okay with this. As a parent of 3 kids who are stuck in a waiting room for half an hour or more with nothing to do but annoy other people, I was not too happy. Caleb came running to me, whining about nothing to do. I'm standing there, trying to rush the receptionist so I can go manage my kids- and she is impersonating a Walmart checker. (slow and indifferent...)

Meanwhile Kellie got pushed and starts screaming. I go to get her, and the receptionist says, "Don't worry, I'll wait," and stops working until I am standing in front of her again. Meanwhile, the line is backing up. It took me over 10 minutes (no I am not joking) to check in. (It normally takes about 2)

I finally get over to the waiting area and I see that they have mounted a huge chalkboard on one wall for the kids to draw on. On the surface this sounds like a good idea, and I will say the kids had fun. 25 minutes later, as we were walking back to the examining room, my kids are covered (and I mean COVERED) in multicolored chalk dust. I don't know why I bothered to bathe my kids this morning. There clothes are completely covered in a fine mist of chalk and there hair looks like they have serious dandruff. (I was watching them, and I still don't know how they managed to get it in their hair...)

We stop at the nurses station to get their vitals and I find out that Aaron can't see and needs to have an eye appointment because he probably will need glasses. Meanwhile, Caleb has a complete breakdown when they put the blood pressure cuff on his arm and it starts tightening up.

We find our way into the room, and before the doctor can even join us, Aaron has a hissy fit about getting a shot. Caleb, who has never been scared of shots in the past, has a little breakdown and is sobbing when the doctor finally arrives.

While I am trying to talk with the doctor, Aaron decides it is time to jump and roll like a gymnast on the examination table. I told him to stop, which he did, for about a minute, and then he was back to his wild monkey antics.

While this is happening, I am holding and trying to calm down Caleb, who has decided that the Doctor IS NOT getting anywhere near him. It was like trying to wrestle an octopus, while the doctor is trying to examine him.

I look up in time to watch Kellie join Aaron jumping on the table. I stand up, Caleb draped on my body since he won't let go, and pull Kellie and Aaron off the table, catching Kellie before she falls head-first to the floor. As soon as I let her go, she goes to the chair and climbs back up with Aaron. I finally move the chair to the other side of the room so she can't climb up anymore.

Before the Doctor leaves she gives the kids a nice lecture about why it is important to listen to their Mommy, and that she expects them to obey me the FIRST time I ask them to do something. I am thankful for the support, but so embarrassed that my kids were so heinous she felt the need to correct them. I thought this visit could not get much worse. I was wrong.

The nurses are sent in to give the kids their shots. Aaron goes into full combat mode screaming, kicking and hitting the nurses. Yes, hitting. It took me and two nurses to hold him down. As I'm holding Aaron down, Caleb is puddled at my feet screaming and trying to push me and the nurses off his brother.

Next was Caleb's turn and of course he chooses this time to tell me how much he hates everyone. "I hate you! and you! and you! ...." Again, 3 people to hold him down. His final comment "No one LOVES me!!!!" By now the drama in the room is pretty thick.

I pull Caleb off the table and start to dress him, when I realize that Kellie has climbed up the chair that I moved earlier and is armpit deep into the sink, splashing water everywhere.

On that joyous note, I quickly dressed my kids and escorted them to the car. I was hoping for a quick, dignified exit. Instead, I had 1 screaming, inconsolable child refusing to walk (Caleb), one child moaning about how much I'd wounded him (Aaron), and a half soaked toddler trying desperately to get away from me and get back to the sink where she was having so much fun (Kellie).

I'm not sure if the stares I got were full of pity, annoyance or concern that I'd somehow scarred my children for life. If I wasn't trying to get out of there as quickly as possible, I think I might have sat down and had a good cry right there in the doctor's office.

Anyway, here's the stats:

Aaron's 7 year check-up:52 lbs (50th percentile), 49 3/4 inches tall (75th percentile), vision 20/40

Caleb's 4 year check-up: 38 lbs (60th percentile), 42 inches tall (80th percentile), needs to visit a speech therapist

Kellie: still wet

Mom: ready to curl up in a ball and cry